New Miscellaneous Thing: Fidget Spinners

While some would argue that the time of Peak Fidget Spinner has already passed, I know that, deep down, everyone is still clamoring for my hot take on the year's hottest toy. Ostensibly, these devices are supposed to help children remain focused and alleviate their stress, but the existing body of evidence for any such effects seems flimsy. On the other hand... these things fucking rip, bro! I'm pulling off some filthy stunts with one right now, including "tilt it around a bit while it's spinning" and "spin it, but really fast."

Honestly, I can't stop spinning this stupid thing. It's somehow as compulsive as it is pointless, as if it was spawned from an unusually mundane cursed monkey's paw. Someone needs to take this away from me.